Hey,
So some, but more likely none, of you have realized that this blog has the same title as a Relient K song. That's right everyone, today I was impacted by a few lyrics from Relient K.
Today as I'm driving around I was listening to Relient K and when this song came on these words were left in my head, see title. Isn't it the truth? Haven't we all come to a place where we look back and we see how much we have grown and we can see how icky our old self was. For me it's an interesting feeling because for most of my life I was the nice guy, the straight edge, and even coming from being a straight edge I feel disgusted in the straight edge I was.
This evening while Ashley and I were grocery shopping I was feeling very convicted/conflicted, because my wife said, "Jared we're rich we can get whatever we want." Why was that so bothersome you ask, let me tell you. Over the last month we have been making a conscious decision not to buy some things in order to give more. So now I feel convicted when I buy things because my money could go somewhere else and genuinely help people in need. One way that my beautiful wife has helped me grow and a way that I can see growth in my life. When I make that realization I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Then we hit the checkout and Ash runs to put some food away because the coupons didn't start until tomorrow, and a man gets in line behind me. He starts talking to me, and he looks like Homeless Greg Boyd. First fault, my initial reaction is, this guy is nuts. Second Fault, I'm looking for the way out as he's talking. Third FAULT, I quit listening. Step one, I put myself above him, Jesus washes feet but I rank myself above them. Step two when I failed to see him through love I fail to see his personality. Step three when I failed to listen, I fail to listen to him, and to God's call for me. I left feeling broken because this guys was getting $5 worth of food and I felt like I should buy it for him. I felt like I should ask if he needs anything else, there was a conviction and I failed to act on it.
Today, I got to experience a great example of how I will hate who I've been. Hopefully I learned enough to step out and be a lover, learned enough so that later I can see transformation in this and know that this moment in time is a reflection of where I've been and not who I am.
Growing a Kingdom
-Jay
