me and my people

hey hey,

Ok so I hung out with a friend that I haven't spent a lot of time with since school has been out and now things are weird. It's like I don't know anything about them and things feel awkward. Seriously no doubt that it was the most awkward dinner I've had all year. in conversation the idea came up of belonging to a crowd. one example was having a set of friends but then leaving them because you fit in better with a different crowd, and I think that is exactly the reason why things were awkward in the first place. We both felt like we didn't belong. Both of us have changed so much even just in the time between graduation and now, that we don't belong. Looking at it I see it in myself, I had great friends with great relationships, but I had more than one group of friends, and then when I got back from summer camp then the youth group peeps were my new crowd. So I left my "lack-o-christ" friends, it feels like as I grow close to God I leave the people that I used to care about behind and I know that they can come, and I've talked to them, but I can't make a decision for them and it sucks to see people that I felt for and cried for and just watch them as we walk away from each other. I want to be able to be everyone's friend, I want to say no to people so that I can be with other people, If I'm a house for Jesus' love then shouldn't I be spreading it with people that don't know it just as much as I am with the friends who do??? Now I've almost guilted my way into feeling like a crappy friend. Like it's all my fault that life sepperates me from the people I love. I just don't like it.