the vent

hey all,

well I'm really just going to type and go with whatever comes out! lol, forgive me my english errors, I got my ACT back and I got a 25 better than last time, but they totally told me I suck at English and now that I look at this sentence I see that A. this is probably a run-on, B. the syntax is all F'd up. I'm not sure how appropriate F'd is or F, does it really mean anything different than the full word? I've been reading James a little bit lately and he talks a lot about what it looks like to follow God in a visible way. In that he touches on taming the tongue and in the NIV he says our tongue speaks praise to our God and then it turns around and cuts the hearts of our community and that doesn't show Jesus in us at all, so really can we sit back and F up the place then tell of the love our savior has for us or how our God has transformed us?? I mean come on that seems a little F'd up to me (LOL).

So I guess I just wanted to vent and write and get some of my thoughts onto paper. Try to get the scatter out of my mind. It feels like I have a thousand birds soaring around and they are all out of place and all I want to do is be able to trap them in their cage again. So let me begin I guess. Lately I haven't felt any pressure to be anyone, and that is awesome, but it also leaves so much so open. I hate that. I have said this to a lot of people recently but that's not going to stop me from saying it here. Sometimes life just sucks. You make a plan and things just go haywire. and me I was making a life plan, you know starting a 5-year plan, but frick of course that doesn't work out for me. So now I am totally down to nothing except an every other week at Macy's, well typically less than that. So now I am open and trying to be humble and to give it all up. Live a life devoted and striving, I love that it is so much easier when you don't have anything to give compared to when you have the job, the money, the car, the house, the food, the girl, the blah! But here I am now finding myself with the God, living trying to make the God, the everything. Living life with a lot of thinking, a lot of praying, a lot of silence and a lot of listening. Stepping out of my normality to find that God is life, and that he has a plan for me, that I don't have to worry about anything that is to come because I will have a way provided. Sometimes the path is narrow, and sometimes it seems untraceable. But it is always there. So here I go out into the world once again taking one step at a time do what I can to follow the light.

Thanks for reading my totally bogus, lame blog and I guess now you know a little bit about how I feel.

PEACE